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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Courage

I guess I have always had a certain amount of courage, faith you could say.
But I have always wanted to have someone believe in me enough to actually stand up for me. Through all the teen years of my children, one in particular but we don't need to name names, I longed for the day that someone would see things through my eyes and rescue me or at least defend me, as the mother. A simple, "You don't treat your mother like that!" would have been a blessed event. It never happened. "You were doing a pretty good job of defending yourself." was as close as it ever got. Didn't anyone see me crouched on the floor of the kitchen, taking the--all be it verbal--assault? Have I always been so useless as to be not to be worth defending?

Somethings never change.


Courage, the strength to be who I am, where I am. "I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love Him. I will “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places.” Even if I have to do it alone. I know, with God on your side you are never alone. But every now and then you, maybe not you, but I, coud use a human hug and someone along to boost my courage. Who lnows even defend me?

5 comments:

Lexy said...

Oh I wish I was closer to you so I could be your shoulder to cry on! You do deserve everything. He may jsut need a little tap on the head to show him. If we lived closer we would give you lots of hugs! But I know that isn't the same as a hug from your husband! Hang in there and it's times like these we feel hugs from our SAviour. Trust me I have felt them many times.

Mary said...

Mom, I'm sorry you feel that way. You are so strong, I'm sure Dad doesn't realize how fragile you can be--especially when your meds are out of whack. I love you!

Rachael said...

Mom - I know how hard this is right now. We're praying for you...

Rebecca said...

Your relationship with dad is the most important one you'll have here on Earth. God loves you and sees your struggle. We love you and see your struggle. The strength you've show through our lives is inspirational -and you never know, the Lord might just inspire dad to see what we see. Don't lose faith. You are supported and your children believe in you.
*Sorry for what I put you through as a teenager. I'm sure I have mine coming... :)

Rebecca said...

...Also, mom, though your position the work of the Lord has a very gritty and hard side. You are in the middle of it, working SO hard to make this ward function. I can't imagine seeing what you see, doing what you do, and devoting SO incredibly much of yourself to this church -and still having the faith and determination that you have. It deserves recognition -and I know you're not asking for it. Mom, the blessings that you're stocking up for this work will someday reveal themselves. You're an incredible woman.